Travel

Audit of Me: A December Reflection on Time, Attention, and Patterns

Last week, I was trying to get a suitcase under seven kilos so it could travel with me into the cabin of an airline where certain staff members stand near the boarding gate with a stern-looking weighing scale. They do not smile. They do not negotiate. They do not believe in intentions.

This is a strange modern sport. It involves rules, judges, and quiet humiliation.

Items that had travelled loyally with me across cities and countries were suddenly asked to leave. Some without notice. The weighing scale remained unmoved. The staff remained polite and implacable.

The suitcase eventually closed. Barely.
I did not feel victorious.
I felt informed.

December has the same effect.

Time slips away quietly through the year. It carries minor shifts and major changes in the same sweep. One day you are beginning something with enthusiasm. The next, you are wondering when it became routine. And where another cherished habit quietly retreated to, without leaving a forwarding address.

That is what time does best. It does not announce change. It just keeps moving.

Boundaries of time force a pause. A year ending is, of course, an artificial boundary. The sun and sky do not care. Monday looks much like Tuesday. But the turn of the year helps us keep score. Like a measuring tape pulled out reluctantly. Slightly crude. Still useful. You may not like the number it shows you, but at least you know where you stand.

That is why December is a good time for an annual personal audit.

The gentle art of keeping score

An audit sounds serious. It need not be. This is not forensic accounting. No spreadsheets. No colour codes. Just a calm look at where things went.

Every December, I start with the calendar. I scroll slowly. Meetings appear like family photographs. Some familiar. Some puzzling. Who did I spend time with? What claimed my attention? What expanded? What quietly disappeared?

Then comes the inbox. This is where things get personal.

Which conversations mattered? Which ones grew richer and more human over time? Which relationships were nourished, sometimes deliberately, sometimes by accident? And which ones gathered dust despite the best intentions, friendly check-ins postponed indefinitely under the noble excuse of being busy?

Emails reveal more than schedules. They reveal attention. Who we return to. Who we avoid. Who stayed present through the year, and who quietly slipped into the “will reply soon” category, where messages go to rest.

Then the credit card and UPI statements. These are always revealing. Where did the money go? More importantly, does it reflect how I thought I was living? What stories am I telling myself? Behavioural economists call this data. The rest of us call it evidence.

The point is not detail.
The point is pattern.

Ordinary lives, useful reflections

Over the next few days, I am sharing my own reflections from this annual personal audit.

Now, I am, by nature, private. What follows will be general. Pointers, not particulars. There will be no confessions, no revelations, and nothing remotely sordid. I will spare you the details and offer patterns and pauses instead. Think sketches, not surveillance footage. Hopefully, just enough provocation to get you smiling and thinking about a few things of your own.

My life itself is reassuringly ordinary. Travel. Work. Conversations. Writing. A clutch of modest successes. A few misses. Some bets that went wrong with impressive efficiency. A handful taken on knowingly, which sounds bold and usually means thinking, This could go wrong, and proceeding anyway.

Why do this at all?

Because reflection rarely arrives with drama. It comes quietly. While waiting for boarding. While staring at a hotel ceiling. While realising you have told the same story twice and it sounds different the second time.

Doing it deliberately forces attention. I remember, in school, a friend playing a rather cruel prank on a teacher who took afternoon naps under a tree.

A magnifying glass.
A patch of sunlight.
A sudden awakening.

The teacher woke up with a start, clutching his forearm, which now bore a small but unmistakable scorch mark. The kind that makes a man reassess both his nap and his life choices. Let’s leave out what happened to my classmate.

The point is simpler.
Attention wakes things up.

That is why I do an annual personal audit. To clear my head. Putting thoughts into public view forces order. It removes clutter. It makes you confront what stayed and what did not. If it nudges you to glance at your own year, even briefly, that is enough.

I will write about things I got wrong and what worked despite me. The places I went and what they did not change. The people I met and the conversations that refused to be forgotten. The patterns that only show up when you stop long enough to notice.

A few questions worth sitting with

Notes From The Rear View Mirror

What did you give time to this year?
What held your attention without asking?

Which habits strengthened?
Which ones thinned out?

What is still alive?
And, what needs closing, gently, without regret?

What promises were made?
Which ones were kept?
Which ones were quietly postponed?

If these questions create mild discomfort, that is a good sign. It usually means growth occurred somewhere without sending a memo.

December invites this kind of pause. With coffee. With Wi-Fi that generously accommodates my inconsistent sense of humour. No drama required. Just enough stillness to notice what moved, what stayed, and what quietly asked for more care than it received.

Suitcases tell the truth when weight limits apply. Years do the same, if you stop long enough to listen.

Lightly, Child, Lightly

The other day, I was looking at a roadside coffee shop in rural Tamil Nadu. It was a pit stop. More to sip on nostalgia. Coffee was the excuse. I got both. Nostalgia. Coffee. And a line from Huxley that appeared on cue.

The man behind the counter was working his magic with a giant kettle that hissed and sang like an old friend. The smell of fresh decoction drifted through the morning air. Somewhere in the background, Ilayaraja’s 80s melody played faintly from a radio that had seen better days. There was a very faint nip in the air, and the newspaper hanging by a rusted clip on the stall was still crisp. Proof that the day was just beginning.

The man himself was spotless and alert. A splash of thiruneer, three bright grey lines, shone on his forehead. He moved with a rhythm shaped by years of practice. Pouring, mixing, serving, taking money, returning change. All in one smooth motion. It felt as if time had slowed down to watch him.

There was no tension in his face. No wasted effort. He did not rush, yet he was never still. The kettle tilted at the perfect angle. The coffee arced through the air in a golden stream. The froth landed obediently in its glass. Every act was precise and calm. Ease that comes when you stop fighting your work.

That is when it struck me. Lightness comes from intimacy. When you have done something long enough, you stop proving yourself to it. The dancer stops counting beats. The cricketer stops calculating angles. This man has stopped thinking about coffee.

Aldous Huxley said it perfectly. “It’s dark because you are trying too hard. Lightly, child, lightly. Learn to do everything lightly.” Perhaps he had watched this man.

He looked up once, smiled, and went back to his art. The world around him kept moving. Buses honked. Cows crossed. A customer called for an extra spoon of sugar. Yet he was steady, like a monk in the middle of a festival.

It was not grand. Or dramatic. It was simply beautiful. And light.
Ease, brewed fresh.

Traveler vs. Tourist: How to Truly Experience a Place

Kevin Kelly is one of those people you take seriously. Not because he asks you to. But because he has lived a life that makes you want to listen. He co-founded Wired. He has written deeply about the future. And, more importantly for us today, he has spent over 50 years traveling the world. That’s half a century of airports, alleys, deserts, and detours. When someone like that gives travel advice, you pay attention.

Not all travel tips are equal. Some are practical. Some are poetic. A few are life-altering. The ones I’ve picked here are both useful and thought-provoking. They are not about checking places off a list. They are about soaking them in.

If you think travel is just about getting from one place to another, this might make you pause. If you already believe the best journeys are the ones where you lose track of time, read on.

Traveller or Tourist?

A tourist collects places. A traveller collects moments. The featured picture above is Dawki, Meghalaya. I remember the conversation with the boatman as much as I remember how bountiful nature is. It all comes together beautifully.

A tourist follows a plan. A traveller follows curiosity.

A tourist moves through a place. A traveller lets a place move through them.

The difference is subtle. But it is everything. It is the difference between taking a photo of a street market and sitting down for tea with the vendor. Between checking in at a famous site and wandering into a side street just because it looks interesting. Between skimming the surface and sinking into the depth of a place.

“Half the fun of travel is the aesthetic of lostness.” — Ray Bradbury

Travel Wisdom Worth Keeping

…..

From Kevin Kelly’s post, here are super special nudges to travel wisdom. Read the full post here.

Travel for a passion, not a place. Build a trip around cheese, jazz clubs, or ancient ruins. Not just cities and landmarks. You’ll remember that tiny family-run dairy in the Alps long after you’ve forgotten the famous cathedral in Rome.

Ask your taxi driver to take you to their mother’s home. Odd? Yes. But it works. You get a meal, a story, and a peek into real life. The driver gets to fulfill a family duty. The mother gets a guest to feed. Everyone wins.

Give yourself constraints. Travel isn’t just about where you go. It’s about how you go. Take only overnight trains. Carry just a day bag. Eat for a week on the price of a single fancy meal. Limits make things interesting.

Visit places that aren’t built for you. Cemeteries. Hardware stores. Small workshops. Real life happens there. Not everything has to be an Instagram moment.

It’s always colder at night than you think. Even in the tropics. Pack that extra layer.

Eat where the healthy locals eat. The fanciest restaurant may not have the best food. The street stall with a queue probably does.

Slow down. The best moments happen when you pause. The best conversations. The unexpected invites. The secret spots. They show up when you are not rushing.

Start your trip at the farthest point. Land. Then go far. Take an overnight train. A rickety bus. A long drive. Settle in at the most remote place you planned to visit. Then, slowly work your way back. Somehow, this makes the journey richer.

Buy souvenirs that have a home in your home. That intricate rug? Lovely. But where will it live when you return? If you don’t know, leave it behind.

When asking for restaurant recommendations, don’t ask where to eat. Ask where they ate last. You’ll get a real answer.

The Beauty of Travel

Bill Bryson, my favourite travel writer, once wrote, “To my mind, the greatest reward and luxury of travel is to be able to experience everyday things as if for the first time.”

That’s it.

Travel isn’t about crossing off landmarks. It’s about learning to see. To step into another world. Not as a tourist, but as a quiet observer. An eager participant. A respectful guest.

And when you do that, something else happens. You don’t just take a piece of the place with you. You leave a little of yourself behind.

So go. But don’t just go. Travel like a traveller. Soak it in.

(Read the whole thing. You might see travel differently.)

Trapped in Feedback: A Day in the Life of Ratings and Reviews

It started as a regular day. A taxi ride to the airport. Smooth. No complaints. As I got out, the driver smiled. “Please rate your ride,” he said. I tapped a number on my phone. Simple enough—or so I thought.

Next stop—the airport restroom. I washed my hands and reached for a towel. An attendant appeared with a clipboard. “Feedback, please,” he said, shoving a form into my damp hands. I scribbled something quickly. Who rates restrooms anyway?

Coffee time. The coffee was lukewarm. The feedback form was fresh. “How would you rate your drink?” the barista asked. I stared at the form. Then at my cup. Was I rating taste? Temperature? Or my general disappointment with life? I gave it a “3.” It felt safe.

And that’s the problem, isn’t it? The 5-point scale. Looks simple. But what does “3” even mean? “Okay, I guess”? Or “I don’t want to be rude”? What about “2” and “4”? Are they just there to confuse us?

I was on edge by then. Would I be asked to rate the waiting area chairs? Or the airport temperature? Just as I relaxed, my phone rang.

“Your car has been serviced,” the voice said. “You’ll get a feedback form shortly.” Of course, I would. Why stop now?

And then came the upgrade—the 7-point scale. Or the 10-point one. As if we needed more ways to be unsure. How do you rate coffee between “lukewarm” and “slightly less lukewarm”? Can anyone tell the difference between a “6” and a “7” on a 10-point scale?

The day dragged on. More forms. More questions. It felt like a game show where the prize was exhaustion. No moment was safe from feedback.

Finally, I got home. Kicked off my shoes. Sank onto the couch. Peace.

Then I heard it.

“Dad,” my daughter asked sweetly, “on a scale of 1 to 5, how was your day?”

I stared at her. Then I laughed. Because, really, what else could I do?

Even at home, the Likert Scale had followed me.

Travel For Growth

Travel is a pathway for growth and development. That’s why I say travel to grow. After years of conscious travel, I can say with emphasis that I have packed and unpacked disproportionately large self-awareness, new learnings and beliefs than I have of bags and suitcases. If there is one more thing that I can add with equal if not more emphasis, then it is this: Travel is hugely under rated as a catalyst for development.

My love for travel got accentuated after reading Pico Iyer’s famous ‘Why We Travel’ piece from March, 2000. It was comforting to realise that there was nothing wrong with me if I just didn’t want to go check places off a “must-see” list. For I was (and continue to be) slow in soaking up a place. In small conversations, observations and just hanging out!

There are four paragraphs from Pico Iyer’s post that have been my guideposts. They are here.

“We travel, initially, to lose ourselves; and we travel, next, to find ourselves. We travel to open our hearts and eyes and learn more about the world than our newspapers will accommodate. We travel to bring what little we can, in our ignorance and knowledge, to those parts of the globe whose riches are differently dispersed. And we travel, in essence, to become young fools again — to slow time down and get taken in, and fall in love once more.”

“Yet for me the first great joy of traveling is simply the luxury of leaving all my beliefs and certainties at home, and seeing everything I thought I knew in a different light, and from a crooked angle.”

“Thus travel spins us round in two ways at once: It shows us the sights and values and issues that we might ordinarily ignore; but it also, and more deeply, shows us all the parts of ourselves that might otherwise grow rusty. For in traveling to a truly foreign place, we inevitably travel to moods and states of mind and hidden inward passages that we’d otherwise seldom have cause to visit.”

Shorncliff Pier, Brisbane

“So travel, at heart, is just a quick way to keeping our minds mobile and awake. As Santayana, the heir to Emerson and Thoreau with whom I began, wrote, “There is wisdom in turning as often as possible from the familiar to the unfamiliar; it keeps the mind nimble; it kills prejudice, and it fosters humor.” Romantic poets inaugurated an era of travel because they were the great apostles of open eyes. Buddhist monks are often vagabonds, in part because they believe in wakefulness. And if travel is like love, it is, in the end, mostly because it’s a heightened state of awareness, in which we are mindful, receptive, undimmed by familiarity and ready to be transformed. That is why the best trips, like the best love affairs, never really end.“

Every time I have stood in the queue of a land where I clearly am ‘foreign’ irrespective of the passport I hold, I learn something new. Especially so, when am not peering into my phone or consumed by the desire to see more. Just being present to all thats happening around me and reflecting on the experiences and thoughts those experiences brought alive for me have been life-altering in many ways. Because, even if I dont immediately change or do something different, I am very present to the fact there is a different way.

When I get back to where I start from, I rarely find that some pronounced changes have taken place since the time I set out. But to my eyes that sprout new lenses because they have absorbed different places, everything seems different. My mind colours old realities with new beliefs, ideas and hopes. Giving new energy for action and reflection.

If that is not a pathway to development and change, I don’t know what is.

Pico Iyer’s essay is here. Go read.

Travel: More Than Just Seeing

Travel does more than take you places—it puts you face to face with your biases. It forces you to notice what you usually ignore. And suddenly, new possibilities appear.

It’s not about ‘just seeing.’ It’s about feeling, learning, and understanding. When you travel with intent, the world becomes richer. You notice details, connect with people, and see life from another angle.

That’s when travel truly keeps you alive—by opening your mind and reshaping the way you see the world.

Domes of Light and Glory

The domes let in light, soft and diffused, transforming the space below. Then, as your eyes follow the curve upwards, the sky reveals its splendour. It’s more than just architecture—it’s poetry in design.

In that moment, the blend of light and space feels timeless. A silent reminder to look up, to find beauty where it meets function.

The glory of the sky framed by a dome isn’t just a view; it’s an experience, one that lingers long after you’ve stepped away.

There’s Always Something Higher

It’s all relative. You feel tall—until you see a taller tower. The Lotte Tower, perhaps. Then, as you marvel at its height, you look around and find one taller still.

Even when you think you’ve reached the pinnacle, the sky stretches above, vast and infinite. It’s a humbling reminder: there’s always something higher, something more.

A professor of industrial engineering once said, “There’s always a better way.” And perhaps, there’s always a better version of you waiting to emerge.

Growth never ends, and the journey to be better is the tallest tower you’ll ever climb.

A Good Life: Finding Freedom Beyond Comfort

A good life is many things. Friends. Family. A roof above to keep you safe.

But sometimes, that very roof brings walls with it. And walls can become a cage.

Look at the rabbits in a zoo. They have food, shelter, and safety. Yet, behind those bars, do they feel free?

It makes you wonder—what’s the balance between comfort and freedom? Between safety and truly living?

A good life isn’t just about what you have. It’s about how you feel. Free to roam. Free to dream. Free to be.

Sometimes, we need to step outside the cages we build for ourselves. Even if they look like homes.

Of Borders and lines

For a trickle of Korean Won, we could peer through fixed telescopes and look into North Korea. To the clank of the coin settling into the metal box, I peered on. Blue skies. An occasional soldier. Green mountains, and fluttering birds. It could have been some nature reserve. But I was standing at the Korean border at Imjingak and staring into North Korea.

The Demilitarized Zone ( ‘Dee Emm Zee’) is a strip of land running across the Korean Peninsula separating the two Koreas. It is 250 kilometers long and 4 KM wide. With wire fences, watchful eyes and guns on either side its brought with it a side benefit. There are no apartment complexes, flyovers, malls with their attendant parking lots and the like. You get the picture, don’t you? Who doesn’t know the rampant poverty that ‘development’ ushers in the world over? The DMZ though is green and lush. Perhaps no other piece of green is as protected and watched by the rest of the world as much as this strip! Dark cloud, silver lining and all that.

Beyond the Demilitarized Zone is one of the heaviest military presence. And heavier posturing perhaps. The posturing and the promise of war have given life to some of the most endangered species thriving. DMZ plays host to some of the most exotic and endangered species. Like cranes, leopards, tigers, and bears. Perhaps these species, have over the years, learned to live under the gaze of the guns in the air and landmines beneath their feet.

That silver lining apart the DMZ is a dark area. It stands as a bright testimony to the limitless potential of human avarice, greed, and one-upmanship. The two Koreas have shouted at each other with loudspeakers ( actual loudspeakers belting out propaganda) across the border. They have tried to outdo each other building tall flag poles and sent balloons with leaflets across the DMZs. All these of course, when they weren’t busy staring each other down. Incredulous it seems. But from 1953, peace has reigned. By and large.Imjingak resort - Looking into North Korea

 

Mangbae pagoda at the Korean border - Imjingak. Yearning for reunification

The Korean border at  Imjingak which hosts the telescopes offers may a pointer. ‘Mangbaeddan‘ is one such. It’s an altar to pray for ancestors and their families. People from across South Korea whose origins were from somewhere in the North, come here to bow down. It’s a bowing down to their parents and ancestors as a sign of respect during new year and other important festivals. Parents who stayed back. Or could not be contacted. One whole country that is a black box. Not even a snail mail service.

There is a plaque that captures the sentiment than my words can. “After 36 years of Japanese colonial era rule, our country was liberated on August 15, 1945, thanks to the sacrifices of service personnel who fought for the nation’s independence and for an end to the Second World War. Before celebration could break out, however, Korea was arbitrarily divided into north and south according to a unilateral decision on the part of larger powers regardless of the desire of our people. Mangbaeden is a permanent alter established by the government at a cost of 500 million won (supervision by the Ministry of Home Affairs 5 North Korean Provinces, execution: Paju Country Office ), at Imjingak, overlooking the lands of North Korea.  

Five million people left their home in the north, where they had lived for generations, to avoid the Soviet army and the North Korea Communist Party’s persecution and brutalities. The refugees built a temporary altar at Imjingak on every Chuserok (Korean Thanksgiving day ), held an event to honor their ancestor and parents who had been left behind in North Korea, and longed for a permanent altar. In terms of scale and form, the censer and altar are located on a 400-m site. The Mangbae pagoda at the center represents the earnest longing for the reunification of the country and prayer for the welfare of those in North Korea. The characteristics of the historical remains, institutions and customs and mountains and streams of the 5 North Korean Provinces, and the non-reclaimed area, Gyeonggi and Gangwon were carved in seven granite stone-folding screens around the pagoda to ease the homesickness of the refugees.” 

A friend who was with us spoke with eloquence about her mom, who several years ago, had to be held back by border guards. As she dashed towards the border at Imjingak, sorely missing her mother who got left behind beyond the border.  I listened to the story with a keen ear and a pounding heart. The cruelty that permeates several lives in the planet needed explanation beyond borders, flags, and territory.

Madmen fire rockets and ramble from podiums around the world about destruction as though it were a lollipop. Even as the rest of us duck for cover, there are some who wonder if there is a silver lining somewhere.The dark clouds sprouting to the sky seem imminent. Costly, ghostly dark clouds. Will there be silver linings or will it too little, too late? Opinion is divided but hope springs eternal.

Figure of Eight Knot - Korean border Imjingak

 

There are citizens who yearn to be united. The “We are One” installation in Imjingak for instance, portrays this yearning for a peaceful reunification. “Installed by the Paju Government on February 14, 2006. This sculpture embraces our desire to achieve peaceful reunification. The joining of the two separated parts by the figure of 8-knot embodies the unification of North and South Korea. The height is 280 centimeters which represent the 28 metropolitan cities and provinces in the Korean peninsula”

Nothing perhaps captures the tragedy of the separation more than the bullet-ridden testimony that the engine of a steam locomotive that plied between the North and the South. The tracks from that time remain. The station names call attention to the staid tracks and lost ways. The bullet holes stare with vapid eloquence amidst the cackle of tourists, selfie sticks, and cameras. Somewhere in between the point of all suffering seems distant and removed from the priorities of the present day. Steam engine - Korean border Imjingak

Rail signboard - Korean border Imjingak

 

As I try to pack my memories from Imjingak into a neat stack, I realise they elude fitting in. They spring in different directions. The tears of separation and sadness seem to take away the sheen off the silver lining. That leaves me with a simple line and a dark cloud.

Ever since visiting Imjingak, any image of leaders and armchair commentators waxing eloquence on twitter or from podiums gets me ever more present to what it is on the ground. The stories that are not told. Stories about living through separation and war. It is 2017 and the world has made serious progress in several dimensions from electric cars to space travel. But can there be a greater travesty that vast tracts of the human mind continue to let the future to be held prisoner by the mistakes of the past?

Must not the imagination that has fuelled ‘progress’ also help us extricate us and co-create a better future? Even if it meant a slow, painful extrication? As I sat in silence at the Mangbaeddan, Tom Brokaw‘s commencement speech to the class of 2006 wafted in from memory. More than a decade old now, but has relevance.

Border guards - Korean border - Imjingak

Here is one part of his speech.

“So, welcome to a world of perpetual contradictions, welcome to a world of unintended consequences and unexpected realities. Welcome to a world in which war is not a video game, … in which genocide and ancient hatreds are not eliminated with a delete button. You won’t find the answer to global poverty in Tools or Help. You cannot fix the environment by hitting the Insert bar. You cannot take your place in the long line of those who came before you simply by sitting in front of a screen or at a keyboard.

The pace of change in your lifetime is at warp speed. We live now on a smaller planet, with more people, many of them on the move these days in a desperate search for economic opportunity and political freedom, a world of ever-diminishing open spaces, disappearing natural resources, with great seismic shifts in political, economic and cultural power wherever you may be on this planet…..

We cannot ignore them, and as the last four years have demonstrated in tragic fashion, a military response is inadequate. If … hostility is not addressed in a more effective manner in the West, and in the Islamic world as well, we will live in a perpetual state of terror and rage on both sides of the equation.

So a primary challenge of your time is to bank the fires of hostilities that are now burning out of control, to neutralize that hatred, to expedite not just global competition economically and politically, but also global understanding, and especially global opportunity.

To do that requires more than a fresh political strategy or imagination.”

The full text is here. The context has shifted a bit. But the fundamental contradictions remain. Only exacerbated by a new crop of leaders who whose jingoism and sabre rattling divides people even further.

Imjingak is a reminder that we need to look beyond the narratives that the unreasonable madness in the political leadership of the modern day. We need to search for and connect to a deeper humanity in each other. Cliched it may sound. There aren’t easy solutions. But the absence easy solutions must not get us lean towards letting the dark clouds loom from the ground. We still have several silver linings today. The capabilities that are present in us to operate from ‘imagination’ is one such. Perhaps we could start there.

 

Earlier Post on my Korean travel is here