My work revolves around making change happen and stick—at all kinds of levels. And if there’s one universal truth, it’s this: there’s always something unsaid, something avoided. Sometimes, it’s just a small discomfort. An Elephant in the room! Sometimes, there’s a full herdThe other day, I wrapped up a conversation where everyone expertly avoided making eye contact with the massive, wrinkled reality in the room.

I’ve been thinking about these elephants in the room. Unspoken realities. They have a tough job. And honestly, so do I. Because the more I work with organisations and teams, the more I see how much avoidance of this elephant in the room stands in the way of progress. It can be incredibly frustrating to watch brilliant people, well-resourced teams, and ambitious strategies get stalled because no one wants to name the obvious.

Interestingly, the phrase “elephant in the room” has its roots in an old fable by Russian poet Ivan Krylov, titled The Inquisitive Man (1814). The story follows a man who visits a museum and marvels at all the tiny, insignificant details but somehow fails to notice the elephant right in front of him. If that isn’t the perfect metaphor for how most organisations and families deal with uncomfortable truths, I don’t know what is. We focus on minor distractions, but the massive, inconvenient reality remains untouched.

Wild thought. What would it be like to hire an elephant in the room? I mean, how would the job description look? What would be its responsibilities? How would you review its performance? What would the elephant say? Where would they go to cry? And what else could they do?

Some days of intense frustration make me think like this. Creative licence to deal with day-to-day difficulties, if you will.

Now Hiring: Elephant in the Room

Position: Elephant in the Room
Location: Every office, family gathering, and awkward social situation.
Reports To: No one, because no one acknowledges its existence.

Job Responsibilities:

• Stand silently in meetings, absorbing tension like an unpaid intern.
• Ensure everyone pretends everything is fine when it clearly isn’t.
• Occasionally wave a trunk in frustration, only to be ignored.
• Be the invisible force behind passive-aggressive emails that start with “As discussed earlier…”

Performance Review:

“Exceptional ability to be avoided. Maintains presence without making a sound. 10/10 at making people glance at their phones instead of addressing the real issue. Keep up the great work!”

A Word from the Elephant Itself

“Look, I didn’t apply for this job. But here I am. Stuck in boardrooms where people discuss alignment instead of accountability. Hovering over family dinners where everyone tiptoes around Cousin Ramesh’s mysterious ‘business venture.’ Sitting in post-crisis town halls where leadership promises ‘synergy’ while employees quietly update their LinkedIn profiles.

I’ve tried everything. Waving my trunk. Wearing a hat. Bringing snacks. (Nothing gets humans talking like free food, right?) But nope. Silence.

At this point, I just sigh and sit down. If you won’t acknowledge me, I might as well be comfortable.”

Support Group for Elephants in the Room

• “I’ve been in an office for five years, and they still pretend I don’t exist!”
• “Try being the elephant at a wedding where everyone knows the bride’s ex is in the audience.”
• “At this point, I’m considering a career switch. Maybe become the ‘Monkey on Someone’s Back’ instead.”

Ways Forward: Working with the Elephant in the Room

Addressing the unspoken isn’t about charging headfirst into confrontation. It requires a mix of awareness, strategy, and patience. Leaders who handle these situations well focus on a few key things.

First, recognising discomfort is essential. What are the conversations being avoided? What patterns keep repeating? Naming the issue doesn’t always mean calling it out immediately but being aware of its impact.

Creating an environment where people feel safe to speak up makes a difference. If raising concerns is met with silence or punishment, people will simply stop trying. Timing also matters—some truths need gentle nudges, others require direct conversations.

Finally, not every situation can be resolved. Some rooms thrive on avoidance. And in those cases, knowing when to step away is just as important. Progress happens when people choose to see what’s right in front of them.

The Next Career Move

“With all the rooms filled with ignored elephants, I’m considering a career change. Maybe I’ll become the ‘Skeleton in the Closet’ instead. Seems like a better gig!”

What’s the biggest elephant you’ve seen in the room?
Let’s talk. No peanuts required.